Everybody has at least one thing about themselves they are not happy about. That's perfectly normal in my opinion. To be honest, there's probably a lot of people out there who have more than three things they would like to change about themselves. Mostly physical I would assume. And this is why I am typing up this self-loathing post about all my flaws and problem areas.
Firstly, I will begin by addressing the physical aspects of my corporeal form, that I would like to change with a snap of my fingers. Let's go from least deprecating to most: I want to be taller. I'm 168 cm (5'6") and that's the national average in Estonia. I wouldn't mind being more than just average when it comes to my height. A lot of my good friends are taller than I am and it sometimes irks me. I want height!
I would also like to get rid if my creaking joints and all my birthmarks that are, according to my dermatologist, cancer prone. I enjoy the art of tattoos, but I would only get something relatively large. I just don't have enough room on my body thanks to all these brown dots. They are everywhere and each autumn I find new ones. I'm usually very pale, because I am not allowed to sunbathe. This summer I got some colour, but I might have to pay for it later in in life.
More superficially, I would really like to fix my nose. I kind of slightly broke it years ago and it's a little bit crooked. I have two completely different profiles. I've always had a rather large nose, I've learnt to accept that genetic gift from my dad, but the fact it's crooked... that annoys me.
I wouldn't mind finding the answer to get rid of my face demons. It's not as bad as it was when I was a teenager and I think as time goes on, my hormone levels are calming down and it's getting slightly better. Still. Vanity is one of my issues.
And now on to my mental problems. As I mentioned, vanity is kind of an issue. I can't pass by a window without checking myself out. Which is ridiculous, since it's paired with a crippling low self-esteem. Go figure, I'm so complicated.
But what I really need to change about myself, is my ability to procrastinate endlessly. I like to get lost in silly activities, like cross stitching or some other arts and crafts project, but when it comes to being productive, I am mostly going to push it until tomorrow until it cannot be pushed anymore. And then I have to just swallow the bullet and grit my teeth to get it done. The sad thing is that I hate rushing things. I like to focus on the small details. That's probably why stitching is so relaxing for me. All those little details.
Along with my procrastination comes the laziness. I cannot tell you how many little opportunities I have let me pass by because I want to lay in my bed and do nothing. Too many.
And that's all I can think off. Quite the list, I might add.
If you dare, let me know what are your insecurities.
Until next time,
Rex
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