Depression?

Nowadays depression has become a very natural occurrence. It's so normal that people neglect it's severeness. I am not one of those people. I've been deeply depressed once or twice in my life and I know what emotions follow suit after this sensation that nothing is worth moving. I just sleep for hours on end and I don't ever feel like it's enough. So, I've been sleeping for ta past two days and I'm coming to and understanding that it might be yet again depression. Maybe I shouldn't speak of it so openly, but then again, why not? I don't give a s#!t anyways. The only thing that can cheer me up is Christopher Paolini's 'Eragon'. Reading it again makes me smile. I'm almost done with it though. And there's just way too many things for me to be depressed about.

School is a bit much now, mostly it's my own fault (obviously). Work is just the same: work. It's exhausting to be running around between work and school. Then there's other things that may not seem much but I take great pleasure in them. So my TW account might be going to waist now. Not going to explain it, it's just a game. Maybe losing is the best way out of its addicting grip.

The problem I now face is phase two and three of my depression. Those are the scary ones. If I could just skip through them, I'd be fine. Otherwise I'm going to be very unhappy and gloom for the next few days or even weeks. Some sudden tearful outburst might also occur. It actually makes me laugh how I once during phase three cried all day long. Over nothing by the way. Luckily school is closing to an end and then I can just focus on work and myself. Urgh, I hate this feeling.

I'm probably not going to blog until I'm better, because all I can write now sounds all doomy and dark. I'm not a happy camper at this point. You may see me smile, but inside I'm just staring blankly into your eyes and I just don't feel anything. The numbness has its dangers and I can only hope it passes by quickly and without severe consequences. Need to keep myself busy. So, back to drawing and reading. As long there's something productive and interesting for me to do I'll be awake and feeling something other than numbness. And please don't take this as a cry for help. I prefer you not mention this. Makes me (maybe you too) wonder why even blog about something like this. And I don't know what the answer is... It just feels right.